I react to this as me thinking I was protecting him, along the same lines of me taking his car away because he was driving too fast, or limiting the amount of junk food in the house because I want us to eat healthier. The advice I got from lj communities and from my real life friends helped me realize that was the wrong approach. Mainly because there there are human emotions involved here and that I was trying to punish my son for something he did wrong, which really isn't the case.
I did have a long talk with my boyfriend last night. I have to admit, he is more rational and logical than I am, though this will be the last time I ever admit that. :) He does care about my children and he considers them his own, he introduces them as his son and daughter. He is not happy with the situation either but along with the advice I recieved, we did come to some basic conclusions.
In all reality I may be able to limit the time my son spends on the internet, but that isn't going to stop him from having this relationship. It wasn't that long ago that I was his age. I do know where there's a will, there's a way.
My son has a pretty level head on his shoulders. He's a damn good kid, of my 3 he is the one who is the most responsible and clear headed. Given the fact that this is a netship and the chances of a real life meeting are slim to none, I really don't have much to fear.
I talked with my son last night. I told him why I was upset, what bothered me. I did show him yesterday's post so he could understand where I was coming from. His first reaction to my reaction was that I was being unreasonable because I hate WoW and she's an older woman. His anger with me, prohibited him from actually hearing what I had to say.
We needed the time to cool off and step back. He's still not happy with me for trying to interfere in his life and I'm sure that won't go away overnight. He did tell me that he could understand why I felt the way I did. We talked about relationships in general. It's kind of funny now that I think about it. I've had safe sex talks with him. I've had acceptance talks with him, we have discussed the different types of relationships, but we have never really talked about the do's and don't of a relationship. I think because I felt it wasn't my place to tell him how to structure his relationships, that his boundaries might not be my own. Which is exactly what I was trying to do with this situation.
I told him that I felt that even a netship on the level they have had, was cheating if her husband wasn't aware of the relationship. I would never ever be okay with that. His comment to that was "I don't know if her husband knows we haven't talked about it". So then came the talk about communication and honesty. He said that when she told him she and her husband had a poly relationship that he assumed her husband knew. He did say that if her husband didn't know that he would not continue the personal relationship with her. He like me does believe in Karma and he told me that cheating was not a bitch slap he ever wanted to receive. He said the WoW relationship would continue because the guild was important to both of them. Have I mentioned I really hate this game?
As far as the woman goes, since my boyfriend is in the same guild with her and my son, he suggested that I let him talk to her. I'm not sure it will do any good, but he's said he would explain to her the issues I have with her telling my son to keep it a secret and why we feel the way we do about that. I'm not sure that that is necessary or if will even do any good, but he wants her to know that we are aware of the relationship.
Anyway thanks again for all the kind words, the advice and even the not so kind words.